Just because I live in the same town as a world famous coach and endurance racer, does not mean that I know anything about racing, training or even riding bikes. In fact, I spend a good deal of my time Photoshopping my riding photos so you can’t see my training wheels and I have never, ever taken a race seriously.
Take, for example, the impending doom that is going to be me on a cross bike and a race this coming Saturday. Fact of the matter, I don’t know how to dismount or carry my bike in an efficient manner. I’m hoping that the obstacles are small enough for me to bunny hop. Otherwise, I will probably spend a good chunk of time floundering around on the ground as I have tripped over myself or someone else while trying to do what cross racers do. And I’ll probably blow my load in the first 10 minutes of the race and spend the rest of the time just being in the way.
So despite of or due to my complete lack of race experience, I have come up what seems to be a fool proof method for training for my third attempt at TrueGrit. 3rd? You might ask. While I may have never lined up for the race, I have planned on doing it since the first disastrous year that it was in existence. The first year, I got sick about three weeks prior to the event. This coincided precisely with when I was going to start training. So, needless to say I was unable to compete.
Then there was last year. I did some training (at least I called it training). Even to the point that I was counting my “training” days. After putting at least 62 miles on the bike in no less than three months, I was forced to bow out again due to scheduling issues. You see, the unseen, unsocial partner of GroPromotions happens to work for me at the shop and it kind of goes without saying that he has to have that day off of work to help out. In addition to him, Mr. Fixie slaves under my whip as well and he was head course marking general volunteer dude. This left too few souls to hold the fort down and I had to work.
I threw a party instead.
This year, I have most of my ducks in line. Is it duck season yet? I have the time scheduled off work. I told my immune system to keep the viruses at bay and I have begun what has to be the most genius training plan known to man.
Seeing that I love all the Mooseknucklers in the world and want you to all be as happy as I am, I’m going to go ahead and share my top secret training plan with you. Just don’t let anyone else know.
I took my heart rate monitor and threw it in the trash, sold my Powertap on eBay and disassembled my trainer. Then I discontinued my Strava account. How can I train without these things? It’s gonna be tough but I am dedicated. The plan consists of the following: On Tuesday I ride my bike for 20-30 miles and then Thursday I repeat. Sunday, I pedal out 50, for a weekly goal of 100, which is a little more than what I usually ride in a year. I figured if I condensed a year’s worth of riding into a week and then repeated, that would be some good training.
With that in mind, yesterday’s sermon as posted below, was almost exactly 50 miles. Super D and I finished the whole thing while others joined us for sections of it and then bailed due to prior commitments. We rode a lot of dirt that hadn’t seen many knobbies in quite some time and a few sections that had never seen my tires before. We started with Church Rocks. Then mozied over to Dyno Cliffs and made our way to the Middleton Powerline Road where we found a stash of awesome goat heads. Then onto T-bone where we enjoyed some more sand. At this point, Shelby and KB made their way to the shop to catch a ride home. Super D and I then hit City Creek and crossed over to Paradise. We were forced to pedal on some pavement as we made our way to Santa Clara. I was in need of some calories (No calorie left behind!) and we hit Lightfoot Service Station. Then up to the Barrel Roll where we ran into Prattipus finishing up a lap. This is where the wind hit us. We forged on and did a quick, short loop on Precipice and Elusion to Barrel Roll.
It was obvious that we were going to have pedaled more than 40 miles by the time we got home, so we figured it was time to get out of the wind. We dropped down to the Cove Wash road and made our way to Stucki Springs dropping down Jay’s Wash and hitting the Poppy Trail at Clavicle Hill. After some high fives at the end, we hit the pavement again and followed the paved trails back to the Lounge. The GPS ticked over to 50 miles just as I rounded the corner.
It would be my guess that LWcoaching would have some sort of detailed plan that would yield much greater results, but I think I’ll stick to my plan because all I really want to do is ride my bike.
My long day this week will be Saturday. I will hit the cross races and then, weather permitting, be making a trip to the Goose to spin the legs out. If you want to join, you know how to find me.
P. L. and R.
Now, where are my training wheels?
this made me forget all about church