For the vast majority of the world’s occupants and even the vast majority of people who ride bicycles in this country, you probably have zero clue that bike dorks of all varieties are descending upon sin city to pretend that they participate in a professional venture and aren’t just playing all day long. More importantly, they are there for the free beer which is evident by the swelling of participants around 4 pm when the free beer kegs start rolling out to the various booths that have agreed to give away said beer along with pint glasses.
Twere I to be there, I would be slowly awakening from some party the night before and trying to get my shit together well enough to find my way back to the convention center. My phone would have pictures documenting what it was that we were doing the night before and almost certainly this guys’ face would show up. Which is precisely why I am not there, not because I don’t enjoy drunken debauchery but rather, drunken debauchery is the only reason for me to be there.
In years past, I have justified my attendance with spending my time underground because that was where they held the seminars. And generally, my time was well spent.
For those of you who have never attended this particular industry expo, it’s pretty easy to describe. Jump over to Bikerumor, my favorite comedic website, and read through each and every post. Now imagine each of those posts is represented in a real life, walking, talking, breathing sales person who is manning a booth. Each booth has shiny things for you to touch, usually a stack of free stickers so you can advertise for that company and a bunch of white dudes standing around.
From the coverage, I have seen thus far via social media and other somewhat reputable websites, nothing is new and everything is the same. So I’m glad I’m not there.
In fact, the only reason I would have wanted to attend this year would be to hit up the All Hail the Black Market party tomorrow night. If you are in the Vegas place, check it out.
UNDERBIKE 2014 from Ritte Racing on Vimeo.
Yup. That sums up what Interbike is all about. And this year it will be a lot less hoboey as I will not be caught panhandling on the sky bridge that cross the Strip. There will not be wads of MCA stickers placed in people’s booths without their consent. My only regret is not getting to see the few people I like who I only get to see at Interbike. Such as Fixie Dave, I-dog Butler, Big T, Jeff Keller, Milly, etc.
Granted, there for a little while it was questionable if any of those people were going to be there.
And that, in all its glory is the Mooseknuckler Cycling Alliance Interbike Report for 2014 and includes everything you need to know about what is happening in Vegas for the next three days.
Moving on to more important things.
It is September and if you have been an Alliance member for any time at all, you will know exactly what that means. That’s right, it is the month that we all celebrate the great Burt Reynolds who is inside each of us. We dig deep down and focus our energy allowing our upper lips to become hairy. In the infamous words of one Kelso, “I’m going down to the hub to grow my beard.” Just substitute moustache for beard.
Some of you may even remember that this was kind of a Mooseknuckler thing for quite some time. And yet, in recent years the Alliance participation has waned. Which deeply cuts at my heart strings. It was a thing of beauty to see Super D grow his molestache, or T-bone sculpt something, Prattipus even threw his lip into the ring several times. Granted, I always felt he looked like a blond Randy Travis, whatever that’s about.
Anyway, the shop is giving away a bike to the winner. So let those upper lips go unshorn.
This Saturday is the second race in the Mooseknuckler Cup Bicycle Racing Series. The first race was the Townie Time Trial which has been hailed as the upmost in cycling events that have ever occurred in Southern Utah, according to Times magazine. If you missed it, don’t worry. The series does not include a points winner.
The Alley Cat will take place, as I mentioned, this Saturday at 8:30. Meet at Confluence Park by the bathrooms where the bike paths all meet. This will be a traditional messenger style race meaning you will be given multiple locations that you must ride to, whoever does it the fastest wins. To make sure things stay fair, we will have a Fixed gear and Wannabe Hipster categories so anyone and everyone can participate. Even if you have no desire to race, ride your bike over and hang out with us. The point is bikes, people and having fun. If you’re against that, I’m not sure we can be friends.
So come on your mountain bike, on your cruiser, on your Fixie, on your fixed mountain bike. I don’t care, just come ride bikes.
As always, there will be a Celebratory Celebration for Story Telling and Bragging after the race. Seeing that we completely overwhelmed the Lounge’s seating capacity at the Townie Time Trial, we will mosey over to Player’s or The Office depending on which place is still open and willing to let a bunch of cycling hooligans ransack their place of business.
While I may not be at the Interbike thingy, my upper lip is hairy and I will be riding my bike today.
P. L. and R.
