I know, that’s a lot of colons for one post title, but I feel like the Townie Time Trial is worth the use of two full years’ allotments of colons. You might run into some superfluous exclamation points as well. So be careful. This is what we like to call extreme grammar and shouldn’t be attempted without using a net, but I will live dangerously!
As I mentioned a few dozen times, SG was in need of some bicycle gathering of some sort of underground type. After experiencing the love of SLC’s bike community a few weeks back, I couldn’t help but question why we couldn’t have something similar. I came to the conclusion that it was nobody’s fault but mine and it wouldn’t do me any good sitting around crying about the fact that no one road recreationally in this town when I wasn’t doing much to encourage that riding. And alas, the Townie Time Trial was borned.
Flyers were posted (at least one was posted), Facebook events were made and the excitement for the best event of the whole year could be felt even in non-cycling circles (I have zero proof of any of this). It was with great anticipation that 8:30 PM rolled around this Saturday. The tribe began to settle in on the Sullivan Soccer Park and Flooded Pond just as the sun was setting. This was kind of part of the plan as we were to be racing on the bike path that runs from the park and flooded pond to Riverside Drive and I didn’t want to run the risk of their being other people on the path.
Once the set start time came rolled right past us, we finally got everyone to listen for two seconds to get things moving. Just as we began to roll over to the start line a family with a scooter, one bike and two runners, one being a child, started down the path. Well, that didn’t work out as planned, but the show had to go one.
The start line was the turn at the junction on the west side of the bridge. We all stopped and bags were dropped, shit was talked and Kenny led the group out solo followed by people going out every thirty seconds or so in pairs. After a few minutes I was left alone with my bike, a few Chrome packs and my stopwatch as I waited for them all to return.
It was the highest concentration of Chrome bags per capita in all of Southern Utah at 9 PM on Saturday. I was tempted to pilfer the contents of the red bag while I waited but felt that I needed all my mental capacities to be able to accurate record the times of those participating. Only a few minutes had passed since the last pair had left the start line that one Spenny came flying back around the corner. Which goes to prove that brakes only slow you down.
As you can see, Spenny was participating in the Wannabe Townie Category and had everyone by about two minutes. As the participants came rolling back over the line, I was overwhelmed with the task of timing so I could not snap any more photos meaning that documenting the finishes was done only by me writing and not with photo finishes.
In other notable finishes, Cory came sliding across the finish line. Yes, you read that correctly, sliding… Apparently there was a blowout just as he hit the turn around point. Instead of throwing in the towel, he sped back toward the end running on the steel rim that was attached to his Raleigh road bike. How he made it around the turns and the other racers as he passed them and came toward them, is beyond me and nothing more than a bike handling miracle. I’m sure he will be looking for a new rim at this point, but sacrifices hade to be made. Cory took second in the Wannabe Townie Category.
In the Townie Category, one Brian made the finish at a surprisingly high speed. He was rocking one of the bikes in the opening photo and truth be told, it’s probably almost as miraculous that he made it to the finish at that speed than it was that Cory didn’t go down. Kimmie took second in this category, besting some fierce competition by mere seconds.
High fives were given and the hard-breathing crowd quickly started telling their stories, completely ignoring the agenda of the evening which clearly stated that story telling would be limited to the Celebratory Celebration After Party Thing at the Social Lounge. This was made clear and everyone began the journey to the After Party where the beer was waiting despite the fact that there was beer in the red Chrome bag that Super D had carried from his house until it was deposited on the front of the Crazy Blue Bike blocking my front light and making it impossible to see where I was going.
And then there were goat heads, sorry about that.
As you can see this is one beautiful crowd. I’m pretty sure all the pretty people in SG were at my house that evening. And that’s what happens when people ride bikes, they stay pretty. It’s a win win for everyone.
Beer was shared and the stories started to come out as I began to tally the times and determine who had placed First and Second. First place prizes were sponsored by the Alliance and consisted of a SCRAM t-shirt for the Wannabe category and a MCA Flask for the Townie category. If you didn’t win but really want any of these two items, they can be purchased here. Second place prizes were sponsored by IMBA World Summit. Thanks IMBA!
All in all, I’m going to call it a success. Good times were had and despite flat tires, loose axels and goat heads, the only thing that was harmed was beer because we drank it.
And in one last grammatical trick, I can’t wait to see you all next time!!!!
P. L. and R.
