My back is broken.
I would love to blame it on all of the Boxing Day celebrations, but those didn’t occur. Hell, I would be stoked to blame it on anything other than what it is. I throw my back at whilst making the bed. And no that isn’t a euphemism for sex. I was in fact making the bed, being a good husband. Apparently that sheet was really heavy because when I tried to throw it over the bed, my back clinched up like someone had just laid a knife into it.
I feel confident saying that it had nothing to do with my Boxing Day Eve celebrations. As is our tradition, KB and I headed out to play Ed Abbey. We had no plan of action when we left the house. In fact, KB was mad at me because she thought I was being grumpy when I said I didn’t care where we went, when in fact I just wanted to ride my bike. Even more important than pedaling was the desire to get outside.
So we went riding without any exact route planned. We had an end destination in mind and the thought was to use as much dirt as possible to get there.
Managing expectations is kind of a stupid buzz phrase. I’m sure everyone has heard it and just like every other buzz phrase, everyone has their own meaning of what it is. For my intents and purposes on this given day, it meant that I didn’t leave my house to necessarily ride my bike. I left my house to be outside, to wander in the desert. This meant that the bike was simply a vehicle for my transport and everything around me was my goal. So when the riding got sandy or turned up a steep hill and I was forced to push, I still had a smile on my face.
And sometimes I think we forget that, being spoiled here in Super Great. We are used to riding single track that is by all measurements awesome and we feel like a ride isn’t worth the effort if we aren’t on said single track. The down side to this view is the fact that there are countless ways to link all this single track together, if you are willing to pedal/push through some not so awesome trails.
All in all, KB and I rode about thirty miles and the only section that was paved was the bike paths we took to get home. Which is when my back started feeling a little achy.
This completes the story except for the little part about me getting bit by a dog. KB and I had managed our expectations, we were heading out to play Edward Abbey and enjoy our public lands. About 300 yards from where the pavement at the end of Main Street turns into dirt, there was a couple and two dogs. One was a golden retriever and the other was a vicious little shit that looked like this,
It looked exactly like that with one big exception, it was not on a leash.
I assume that it is obvious that I am not afraid of dogs and that I happen to enjoy their company. Seeing that I have three large dogs that I like to take out onto public lands so they too can play Ed Abbey. Those of you who have been around my dogs know they are pretty well behaved. They have never chased anyone or bit them. With that said, if I show up to an area with my dogs and they’re are other dogs or humans around, I put my dogs on a leash or go somewhere else because you just never know what is going to happen. And these are public lands so everyone has just as much of a right to be there as I do.
So as I was saying, we had just barely left the neighborhood on the end of Main Street and headed up the dirt when we heard the frantic barking of a small dog. I’ve been chased by many a dog in all my years riding bikes. Usually you can slow down and float past. Once they realize you don’t give a shit about them or their barking, they turn around and go about their business. So this is what I did.
The little dog and the retriever came at me. I positioned my body so it was more or less on the opposite of my bike and coasted past. The retriever barked and then went about his business. The little shit dog on the other hand really thought it would be a good idea to see what my foot tasted like. At this point, the only thing on the same side of the bike as this dog was my right leg and I had the pedal in the up position which was just high enough that the dog could still grab a hold of my foot. It did and then let go. OK, I thought no big deal, it tasted and now we can move past this. To my surprise the dog comes at me again.
All of this is happening in a span of only a few seconds. All the while the dumb ass human to which this dog belonged is screaming, “Babby! Babby!” I assume this was the dog’s name.
The dog bites me again and then releases. The owner is within steps of the fucking thing so I continue to coast assuming that the idiot was about to grab their dog. Nope. It comes at me again and grabs my foot. At this point, I’m flabbergasted at two things. 1. The tenacity of this little shit dog and 2. How fucking stupid this owner is. I slow down to almost a stop and the thing comes at me again. At this point, I have no doubt that it is going to latch on for another taste, so I defend myself and pop it a good one right in the skull. Undeterred, it comes at me again.
The owner is still screaming and still just a few steps behind the dog. For me to go any slower I have to stop, so I do. As soon as my feet hit the ground the little shit realizes it’s in trouble and turns around running directly to the owner.
And this is the problem with dogs, their idiot owners want to be their friends and pretend like they are little humans dressing them up with bows in their hair and more or less letting them run the roost. (This happens to be the problem with most children as well) And then they seem shocked when their dog doesn’t listen and bites me.
Anyways, that is the story of how I got bit by a Pomeranian. And seeing that I refuse to admit that riding a rigid bike through the desert in combination with time making me older is a bad idea, I think I will blame that shit dog for my broken back.
P. L. and R.
