The Alliance is all about people coming south to ride and we wished them all luck and then did our own thing. Our own thing was pretty hard core. We started our Camp Knuckler on Saturday night with the opening ceremonies. The Mooseknuckler Cycling Alliance Social Lounge was opened for the event. Seeing that we are not prejudice, we even let some Lynda Campers join us for the celebration.

Physics Brian told us all about how he had cheated. I couldn’t figure out how pedaling was cheating but apparently you were supposed to follow a certain route and he prefers singletrack.

Sunday came without warning. As in there was no memory of the transition from Saturday to Sunday and the morning was particularly brutal. I bid adieu from bed to the Lynda Campers as they headed out for some more “fun.” I slowly began preparing for what would be the highlight of mountain biking in Southern Utah for the month of February, the 3rd Mooseknuckler No Dabs Contest.

I had planned on being good and warmed up for the climb up to Zen, so had made plans to ride the Barrel Ride before hand. As morning switched to noon, I was having doubts if I could even turn a pedal (I have confidence issues). Shelby offered to drive which was a good thing. My head reattached itself about half way up the race course.

Seeing as we were simply “warming up” for the main event, we spent a lot of time watching other people riding back down the trail and saying, “Is that a cross bike?” Which the way I just framed it doesn’t seem like a valid question. However, in the light of following cross bike tracks up the trail we were sure Mitch was rocking around somewhere ahead of us. Plus it gave us a good reason to stop and wheeze for a bit before continuing.

Our “warm up” didn’t take as long as planned and so we cooled down waiting for the rest of the folks to show up. Mitch rolled up looking like he wanted to “warm up” as well but instead stood around with us waiting. We finally rolled out about 3:30 which happens to be the exact time that we had planned to start.

We decided to break the event down into two separate sections, Upper Zen and Lower Zen. Shelby showed us all up on Upper Zen with but one dab on ‘im. The rest of use were two or more and held our heads in shame. After watching Shelby run an almost perfect run on Upper Zen, I was convinced that we would be having another installment of the No Dabs Contest on Zen because I would like to be witness of a perfect ride. Lower Zen was a tie between Prattipus and myself with Shelby coming in second with one dab. He did get cocky so we were glad he came crashing back down.

And Fixie, before you ask, Yes I rode the singlespeed.

Judge Dame was also in the singlespeed category. He rode with us and as always we enjoyed his company. When we were all done and telling our big stories about riding over rocks and then turning left, Judge Dame asked what the Mooseknuckler was. I did my best to be coherent and attempted to tie in all of your answers. I think I did a pretty good job because I ended with, “The ironic thing is that none of us wear lycra.”

Good times were had by all. Those who weren’t there were missed. And those who were there, were not missed.

P. L. and R.

“A semi geo-political, outdoor, fantasy, riding and drinking organization.” – Fixie Dave

“Alternative riding styles.” – Prattipus

“The path to righteousness.” – Brian Mulligan

“The inertia of MTBing in SWUT.” – Scarf

“An alliance of cyclists united for sustained cycling freedom, consumption of alcoholic beverages, and ass kicking facial hair. Now someone said there would be lobster.” – Super D.

“A bunch of dudes with bikes.” – The Rod

“A Gander of Riders that Drink better then they can ride and enjoy seeing each others Mooseknucklers whether they will admit it or not.” – Sherm

P. L. and R.

When I was but a wee lad, I spent a lot of time thinking. Most of the ideas and thoughts that bounced around in my head went ahead and bounced right out. There were only a few that stuck and a few that I attempted to see if they could be. Most of these were purely philosophical bull shit type questions. One of these questions was the existence of silence.

I thought a lot about silence. I spent a lot of time alone tramping around wherever it was that I could in search of the absence of sound. I quickly found that the colder the weather, the deeper the void of sound was.

Anyone who has spent a winter night on top of mountain where cars are not aloud, where people do not tread (at least very often) and where the snow is high, are probably the closest they will ever be to truly experiencing silence. That void of noise where all is still and all is dead. There is no motion, no disturbing sound. The waves of the air are undisturbed. Peace.

Through this time of seeking for complete silence, it quickly became evident that man cannot experience it. The world can be completely at ease but man cannot. He may sit in the middle of a meadow where nothing stirs. But the fact that he is there, means there is noise for he can never be still. He must always breath. And the sound of breath is never louder than when one is seeking for it to not disturb the surrounding solitude. It bursts the deafening abyss of sound with little respect for those around it. Hold your breath? Sure, then the noise of your head about to explode begins. The pounding in your ears will overwhelm anything that has ever come from outside them. Man cannot be still.

Silence does not exist for us.

But that doesn’t really matter. I wasn’t searching so much for the silence as much as the solitude and peace that existed in the places that I searched. Many of my favorite activities are remnants of this search. Snowshoeing, night riding, backpacking… all contain an element of the silent and all are best done alone.

P. L. and R.

Other times I just don’t like the trail.

And sometimes, I’m just on the wrong bike.

I used to hate to ride Prospector/Church Rocks. I found nothing interesting about the trail. It was slow, sluggish and made me tired without giving anything back. I would pedal to the top of one of the hills only to slowly ride back down to repeat. I avoided the trail almost as much as I now avoid Paradise Canyon. It was boring.

Then I rode it with ProZac on a Saturday morning on a bike that was being treated to its first bout of dirt. Suddenly, Prospector turned into a quick, flowy trail that left me with this strange sensation often known as fun. The ups were quick and I spun out on the back side grinning and laughing all the way to the next up. I had to stay on top of it to keep from missing a turn. I was hooked.

My First SS.

Now Prospector is one of my favorite local trails.

An Argument for Less

In the great impulse-buying society in which we reside, we are told time and time again that for us to be able to have fun or to have a certain experience, we must purchase the newest and the best that is currently available. Regardless of what we have experienced on what we currently own, there is no fix for the desire to have something new.

The first time a pedaled a rigid singlespeed on dirt I was hooked. After six weeks or so, I sold every other bike I owned and pedaled with a grin on my face for years. It was this rigid singlespeed that turned my sluggish trail into a fast, flowy love fest. This wasn’t a new feeling for me. I grew up on rigid bikes. They were the only bikes I could afford. All of the trails I rode until 2002 were on a rigid bike or a hardtail.

I fell in love with mountain biking well before I owned any suspension.

Sometimes that experience of just loving to ride is best found on the bike with the least bells and whistles. To feel every bump in the trail, have to strain up every climb and to watch the front wheel and precisely guide it through the rock gardens, this is how I learned to ride.

Less Maintenance

Not only do rigid singlespeed bikes offer an enjoyable alternative to the boing crowd, they also offer a serious advantage in the maintenance to riding time ratio. Maintenance on a singlespeed means you lube the chain and pump the tires up. Once a year you might want to tear the thing down and grease/tighten everything. Even this once a year maintenance will only take you about an hour.

And isn’t that the point of owning a bike, to be able to ride it.

Less is Sexy

There is something inherently beautiful about simplicity. No springs attached. No extra links in the chain to wrap around those movy things that change gears. No cables running the length of the bike to connect the levers to the movey things. Just simple round tubes, a couple of wheels, a set of cranks and some brakes.

I love the way a singlespeed chain looks as it symmetrically wraps around the chain stay.

And let’s admit it, if your bike is sexy, you will be sexy.

Less is Rebellious

Taking out all the marketing and hype from your ride is the equivalent of giving a double middle finger to the man. The man is the one propogating the need for new shiny parts. Eliminate the majority of those shiny parts and the man starts to fade into the back ground and you can, once again, just ride.

If I had to pick one thing about modern society that I despise, it would be marketing. Here’s my middle finger.

Less is Love

So give it a try. I will bet that if you swing your leg over a simple bike that you will find your boring trails transformed into fun and your life will be better. You will have more friends, more riding time and can afford that tattoo you’ve been wanting to show everyone just how rebellious you are.

What do you have to lose but your derailleurs?

P. L. and R.

If you are lacking in the cool factor, these will most definitely make up for it. I can honestly say it is the only wallet I have ever owned that I get complimented on, consistently. Just think, you could be someone.

Since we are on the subject of wallets, I have been saving a rant for a while. It has simmered, aged and perfected itself. You see, I’ve been buzzed on my bike many times. So many times that I couldn’t tell you where that number sits. On occasion I have been buzzed by the same car, in the same spot, multiple times. However, there has only been one vehicle that has buzzed me that was dumb enough to have their phone number and place of business stickered across the back window.

I was nigh ran off the road twice by this same mini-van on Middleton Drive in April. I have spotted the van on ocassion in the city. One of those occassions was last night. I thought about keying the car, slashing their tires, or removing all four of their valve cores, but I was in front of Benja’s and could see the owners sitting right in front of their van enjoying dinner. So I took a picture.

Now, I don’t know these people, nor have I used their services, but as a cyclist that shares the road with them I will never be giving them a call. And I strongly suggest that none of you do either. In fact, you have their phone number and business name, do with it what you will, if you get my drift. It is a rare occasion that I get that kind of information on someone who doesn’t give space to cyclists.

So in the theme of wallets, don’t open yours to them.

In other wallet-themed news, we will be doing the below mentioned night ride. Meet at the Navajo Drive trailhead for the Bear Claw Poppy. We will ride as long as the temps feel good. I also know that one Fixie Dave has a good 12 pack of Cerveza that will warm you up or down at the end of said excursion and I don’t think he will ask for anything out of your wallet.

See you all in a couple of hours. I will have the wallets with me if you want one…

P. L. and R.

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We made it to the South Rim and then basically turned around. This makes three times now that I have been to the Goose and have not once made it past Hidden Canyon. I guess I will have to try again this weekend. You in?

Now on a separate note, only being separate because it is too damn funny to be included in the above story. As we were headed out on the main road to the Goose, I had to slow down because there was a van stopped on the right side of the road blocking most of the road. Next to the van was a dude in full riding gear, including helmet and his bike laying in the road. His bike was blocking most of the other side. The van had prunie plates. Prattipuss told me not to stop but the guy waved us down and I was going pretty damn slow as to not hit this moron. Of course he was lost, how? I don’t know. We gave him instructions and as I was finally driving away, I noticed the other guy sitting in the driver’s seat. He also had his helmet on. Straps all cinched down and ready to rock. In the front seat of his mom-mobile.

Anyways…. (remember the S is for Bryce)

I was hoping to get a bit of a ride in yesterday, but I can barely move. So instead of riding I’m writing about not being able to ride… In my defense I moved wood for about 8 hours yesterday.

This is what I looked like when I was done.

At least I will be able to heat my house all winter.

P. L. and R.

I started training for the True Grit last night.

I started by drinking some Tequila as a motivator for getting out of bed and made a promise to myself that I would, in fact, go for a ride in the morning. If, for nothing else than to clear the fog…

I report that I did just that. And it really, really, really sucked.

As I rolled out of bed, I was excited. Then I walked outside and the mugginess of the morning hit me. I almost went straight back to bed. But I had made promises and there was a little fog to clear. I began to gather the necessities. I filled the bottles, gathered my riding clothes, pumped up the tires and grabbed the ear phones. Then I went outside and began to ride.

As they say, I must have left my legs in bed. I didn’t actually feel too shitty until I hit dirt and then things just kept getting worse.  You can see from the picture, which was not posed, I am not happy about the way things are going.

I rode 8 some odd miles in about an hour.

At least the view was pretty.

In more important news, the Leadville 100 took place this weekend. You can get the results here.

However, I found the DC version a bit more interesting.

In a different note, after hopping on over there to steal the screen shot you are enjoying, I found some new news, that is even more important so take the leap and help Charles…

The only other big news that I heard this weekend was about the Ames Straw Yanker or something like that. You can read my thoughts here.

Oh and Argentina just re-elected Sra. Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner, again.

If the juxtaposition of those two events doesn’t say something to you, it should.

I leave you with Jon Stewart.

Until whenever, Out.

P. L. and R.

Most notably, I spent what was just shy of a week in heaven. A place where water is plentiful, but so is beer, wine and anything else you choose to drink. I was on a personal quest to find an IPA that was better than our local Hop Rising. That is correct, I was on a mission to find a beer that could beat a Utah beer. I know that may sound funny to any of you from the elsewheres, but we have some pretty damn good beers here, you just need to know where to look. Anyway, I failed.

Not that I didn’t try with everything I have but I did fail, even with this as my playing field.

The top row's all local...

I have to confess that, even though it happens rarely, I was caught off guard by this wall of beer. I just stood there contemplating the sight. And more, I had no idea which one to grab. Unfortunately I didn’t have the funds or the time to try them all. This was also our first day there and I knew we were to be at the Brewer’s Fest on Friday so I only bought two. Both were good.

Damn, I do love me some Full Sail…

But nay, we were there for more things than beer. Although I can’t remember what those were… We did see a lot of people rocking some serious love on their two-wheeled love machines. I kicked myself so many times that my ass was bruised for not bringing any MCA stickers along with me. Not sure where my head was on that one.

People, bikes, public transit... I'm in love

Oh yea that’s right bikes, fucking everywhere. The Berg kept saying, “Check out that lady, she’s wearing heals on her bike.” Yup, it was pretty cool.

And then there was the food. Everything organic, everything local, everything fucking amazing. They have food carts. I haven’t bought road side food since the last time I set foot in Latin America which was wayyyy too long ago. I had some road side Pad Thai that was almost as good as Benja’s and a shit load less expensive. Yummmmmmyyyy.

You may have noticed all the extra letters that I have been using. Those are the equivalent of gratuitous exclamation points but you must remember, Jose Cuervo is to blame.

Moving on.

So in short, Portland was pretty amazing. If I was to make an effort to live somewhere that wasn’t SG or Chile it would most definitely be Portland. No contest.

The photographic evidencial (yup just made that up) proof;

Anywaysss, I have been back for a few days now and I still can’t get caught back up. And I haven’t ridden my bike yet. Hope to do that tomorrow.

P. L. and R.

The Prattipus on Paradise

Sir Prattipus and I got out and rode our two-wheeled love machines this morning. We got up at the ass crack of dawn and gave it our best. We rode my favoritest of trails Paradise and then hit the Barrel Ride and ended with another one of my favorites, Bear Claw Poppy. In my defense, my biggest gripe with Paradise is how short it is and we linked it to two not so close trails making it part of a bigger ride and therefore worth riding. Defense rests.

The temperature was perfect this morning which is good since it wasn’t later on in the day. The legs felt good, I didn’t forget my lungs and it was a nice ride. I even enjoyed bombing down Bear Claw Poppy Road.

Prattipus apparently forgot we lived in the desert and only brought one water bottle so we had the joy of finding water along the route. This only added to our adventure. And if you are into making cycling difficult, is a great way to almost die.

Almost out of water?

Good times.

Along the ride I got to thinking, as we were grinding up the Barrel Ride and the heat was melting my skin, about my pack. This may seem like and odd think to be thinking about and I would agree. However, the thought process was more along the lines of, “Damn, I have been riding this trail for a long time” and “Man, how many different bikes have I owned since that first ride?” Which of course brought me full circle to thinking about things that haven’t gone the way of the fleabay. In my cycling gear corral there aren’t many thing that are still there after a year of purchase. My pack is one of the things that has stayed.

My pack is an Ergon. You don’t see these out on many rides. There are few people that have them and they kind of fly under the radar. Ergon is much better know for its grips, which I don’t use. However, I love my pack. I can do a 7.5 hour death march and at the end of the day my shoulders feel like they haven’t even had a pack on them. When I am shredding the gnar, as I am accustomed to do, the pack is stable and allows me to move freely. Both things I find extremely important.

So if you are looking for a good pack. Check ‘em out.

After my deep thoughts about the passing of the sands of gear through my hands and finishing our ride. I was starving. What is a man to do? Get some Roberto’s. It’s hard to screw up cheap Mexican food and this spot is on my way home. But they went above and beyond and screwed up cheap Mexican food. I’m not complaining, but I found what was done to be over the top and hilarious.

I’m particular about food, in the sense that I don’t eat flesh. Other than that it’s pretty much open to everything. So any time I am at one of these dives, I make sure to tell them what I want in my breakfast burrito. Kathleen also happens to like beans in her breakfast burrito, which after trying one is really pretty delicious. So I ask for a eggs, potato, bean and cheese burrito times two. Order my drinks and pull forward.

The girl gave me my burritos and asked what drinks I had ordered, Mtn Stew and Horchata. Oh great, I got some orange shit and Horchata. I get my burritos and the receipt/change and head home. As I am pulling out of the parking lot I glance at the receipt and notice that there is an extra charge for potatoes and that she had sold me bean and cheese burritos. No big deal but my bet was that there wasn’t going to be any eggs involved.

I get home and what I got was two bean and cheese burritos with french fries stuck inside. Not exactly what I wanted. It didn’t taste too bad but it was just weird… Not sure I will be back.

And then I decided to try my arms at swimming. I suck and I am pretty damn sure I am going to be sore tomorrow, but it may get rid of the gut. We’ll see.

Ride more. Drive lots less.

Shelby met me at the trailhead (not sure why we didn’t carpool) and off we went. After the first uphill it became glaringly evident that I had forgotten my lungs. I could not breath which didn’t exactly help in the going up department. Those of you who have ridden this ditty know there is plenty of up.

In addition to having left my lungs at home, I felt like I was breathing through a straw. Yup the allergies are still not being nice to me. Meaning, that I also forgot the Clariten. This may or may not have helped on the ride but it would have been the only thing I could have done.

We did finish the Barrel Ride but then forgot to ride the Zen. End of story.

In other news, I ran across this little product today which filled my soul with wonderment and then left me utterly depressed because it was so damn expensive.

That would look nice on the front of a steel road bike or singlespeed offroad machine. I could get me some beer with that. This company makes some pretty cool stuff. It looks like Lezyne quality with a Portlandia twist. Check ‘em out here.

Jumping again to another topic, our own Sir Gurr was on the front page of BRAIN this month (at least that is what I was told, I don’t actually get a print copy of BRAIN). You can see an online version of what the story kind of said here.

In again unrelated news, Fixie Dave will be heading out for the Tour Divide this coming week. For those of you who don’t know Fixie, he is the guy who rides everything on a fixed gear bicycle. Off road? Yup. He will be doing the Tour fixed as well and we at the Alliance wish him all the best luck.

Click on the photo to go to his blog where you will find all the info needed to follow him on his journey.

It’s morning riding season. Who wants to ride?

I apparently also forgot how to transition…

P. L. and R.

PS I still have stickers if you are interested in tagging anything and everything…