10 Reasons you should never wake up early to go for a bike ride

WP_20150216_15_58_29_Raw1. Sunrises.

Sunsets are awesome. The day is ending and it’s just about time to climb into bed and slip into that utopia we call sleep. Most of us are unaware that there is a counter to sunsets called sunrises. They don’t indicate that lovely time of dusk or that rest is imminent. They happen as the sun fights its way back from the dark side of the sky. Oranges stream across the sky brightening the morning and creating warmth as it falls on the awakening earth. And we all know what that means, it’s time to be awake and go to work and be adults. Sunrises suck.

2. Solitude

Getting up early to ride means you have to be out there before your work shift starts. This most likely means it’s going to be early and most people don’t like to get up early. I know I don’t. This means that you are pretty much going to be alone. There won’t be anyone to say hi to at the trailhead. You won’t have to fight for parking or yield to the other guy bombing down the hill leaving his girlfriend in the dust. Nope, you’ll be out there all alone, doing your thing without anyone else.

3. Temperature

Seeing that you will have to start your ride before work means it will probably be before the sun has risen or recently afterward. Seeing that the sun has been sleeping all night and not shining on the earth means the temperature will be cold. You will need extra layers, thick socks and some winter gloves. Riding your bike with layers is akin to the little brother in the Christmas Story, “I can’t put my arms down.”

4. Lighting

It’s is known that if there isn’t a picture of it on social media than it really didn’t happen. This means that any time you go for a ride, in the morning or otherwise, you must snap a picture of said event. These pictures should be flat, washed out with no thought of composition. It is easiest to get these pictures when the sun is high in the sky. Taking pictures in the morning, it is almost impossible to get a picture that will need an Instagram filter. #nofilter

5. Going to work

I like to ride hard and when I’m done I like to have a beer and relax. Riding in the morning is more like, ride hard and then try to go to work and not want to punch every one you see right in their teeth. Riding early disrupts the natural, god given cycle to pedaling a bike. You ride. You drink post ride beverages. You go to sleep. In the AM, it’s all backward and wrong. Instead of relaxing you have to get yourself all wired up and pretend to work for another 8 hours before you get to rest.

6. Alarms

We all use them and we all hate them. Alarm clocks are the bane of modern man. We go to bed tired and then are awakened by some ear piercing, screeching noise. It’s the most annoying noise in the world because it has to be. No one wants to get out of bed, we’re forced to by our alarm clocks. Getting up earlier to ride your bike means that noise will be interrupting your dreams and ripping you out of the sleep that your body so desperately wants.

7. Suntan

As mentioned, the mornings are horrible times if you want harsh, strong sun rays. This is also detrimental to your suntan. We all know that half the reason any of us ride is to watch the tan lines grow and darken to the point that cashiers notice that our hands are pure white when we hand them money. Or to acquire that sexy line about six inches down your leg that shows that you have put way too many miles on in the same pair of shorts. Riding in the morning does nothing for the development of tan lines.

8. Commute

Getting to the trailhead can be half the adventure, dodging traffic and hoping that some teen hopped up on energy drinks and texting doesn’t swerve into you and end it all. Seeing that you are a working stiff and getting a ride in before work means that you will be getting to the trail before all that traffic and teenagers have a chance to get on the road. This will cut down on your commute time and make you miss the phone of your commute. Because we all know that we love jamming out to our favorite song whilst stuck in traffic.

9. Group Pace

Riding in the morning means you will be on a mission. You will know when the ride has to end because you have to get your poor ass to work or the man is going to yell at you for being late. That means you will be hammering and most likely you will be alone because no one else is dumb enough to get up early to ride a bike. This is great if you are one of those jocks that has to rock out as many miles as possible every time they ride. If you’re not, then you will be left missing the group pace. The stopping every quarter mile to chat and wait for that one person that probably shouldn’t have come but every one is doing their best to accommodate or the snack break at the top that takes up as much time as the rest of the ride. In the morning, there will be no stopping, no chatting, no snack breaks cuz you’re riding with a deadline.

10. Post Ride Beverage

Let’s just call our recovery drink what it is, beer. There are few things more satisfying than riding hard and then having a beer. It’s the motivation behind most rides. Unfortunately, and with no real reason, it is frowned upon to pop the top on a cold one at 8 AM. Just as you are finishing and wanting to wind down, the time appropriate drink is coffee trying to wind you back up. It’s kind of like vodka and red bull. Two things that do the opposite and shouldn’t be mixed for any reason.

P. L. and R.

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