The Personification of a Cluster Fuck in Motion

fatboy goes downI’m a true believer in that I always try to attend church wherever I am. I don’t think any of you would dispute this fact, I am one of the faithful. However, I have my limitations. I won’t be the first to cast the stone or to say that my attendance is perfect. It’s just part of my rolling shit show life that sometimes I don’t make it. Sometimes mountains call my name and I leave my two-wheeled love machine at home. Or there are times that I just don’t feel like it. And it’s always about having fun, so if it’s not, take some time off.

With that out there for the Universe to judge me how it will, Church was held this past Sabbath on a Sunday. For those of you cyber stocking me (I know who you are, Google Analytics is pretty good at that), you already know that I went hoofing it through the dark and into the wildness of the Pine Valley Mountain Wilderness this past Sunday and that I did it in quick time because I had to be back at noon. I was a little hazy about certain details, but it was my desire to attend church that drug me out of bed at 6 am Sunday morning.

The Special Ed Demo truck was in town for all of you heathens to ride some pretty kick ass bikes. So this Sunday’s ride consisted of a meeting at the shop to grab some bikes and then head out to a Cathedral for worship.

There were a few of the unwashed masses that showed up to ride borrowed bikes on borrowed time. We loaded up the Mooseknuckler-mobile and headed north, all the way to Red Hills Parkway where we parked said mobile and unloaded for a jaunt around City Creek. I had wanted to do this trail as a cherry stem loop for some time mostly because I can, but also to see how it would pan out.

I was on a borrowed Fat Boy Pro with big ass tires and a moving front fork thingy. The others were on bikes that ranged from a 29er S-Works Enduro to a Camber Evo and one more in between those two. I was glad to have the suspension fork and big tires as the trail is destroyed (and I don’t use that word lightly) after the recent rains. Some trail work is definitely required. Despite the messed up trails, there were smiles all around.

We headed up City Creek from the step over on the Parkway and rode toward Owen’s Loop. There were times where we had to look before we leaped due to reasons stated above. Once we hit the Owen’s Loop junction we turned right and maneuvered over the sandstone toward the loop that sits on the end of the mesa.

This is where we had our Sunday School. The lesson was on faith, mainly faith that there is in fact a trail and a way to get through the middle section of this trail. There were some dabs, some prayers and some swear words uttered in frustration. And then we dug the loop overlooking the city. At which time, we repeated our route back to the truck. At just over 7 miles, this little cherry stem loop is pretty sweet and will be better once we get the trail fixed.

Of course, this has nothing to do with the photo that opened this post. No that was from Dysfunctional Family Home Evening held on Monday.

As part of my always trying to improve my spirituality and relationship with my bike, I joined in the Gnarmy’s ride on Monday. This decision was made at 7:30 about a half hour before the ride was to happen. My lights weren’t charged, my bike wasn’t really ready and I was starving. Perfect conditions for a ride.

WP_20141014_07_30_54_RawTo say I was the personification of a cluster fuck in motion© would be extremely accurate (and I might just have to copyright that). My big light, the one I really like to ride with died at the top of the first climb. I almost turned around, but those in attendance offered back up lights if needed and I just switched on my helmet mounted one and continued. The climb to the top of Zen went pretty good. DomTron caught me a few switchbacks before the top and we then enjoyed the cool air waiting for the rest of the Gnarmy who had some light issues of their own.

The real shit show started when we headed down hill. The Fat Boy does fairly well going down loose, shitty trail unless it has about three, count them, three psi in the tires. Then it goes down hill in a messy, bouncy motion of uncontrollable spectrums. I was ok with this. Or at least I was until the bounce threw me into a rock which obliterated my rear derailleur and brought the already slow ride to a complete halt.

Regardless of what we could conjure up as a way to be able to pedal it out, I was forced to do have pedal kicks and half Flintstone maneuvers to make my way back to the trail. TBIF for sure.

And to end this foray into Mooseknuckler News, we have an upcoming Mooseknuckler Cup. Spenny is organizing this one and he’s kind of tight lipped with the details. He says you will need three things: a bike, a costume and Jager. I only approve of one of three of those things. Needless to say, I will be there.

The details:

Mooseknuckler Cup: Mystery Event

October 25th at 8 PM

Meet at DSU and ride around until you see us. Wear a costume and apparently bring Jager.

And if that isn’t a ball of everything, it’s at least a personification of a cluster fuck in motion©.

P. L. and R.


This entry was posted in Alliance Rides, Breaking News, Group Outings, Mooseknuckler Events, TBIF, The Church of the Holy Alliance of Mooseknucklers, Two-wheeled love machines. Bookmark the permalink.

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