So I’ve spent the last couple of days in Steamboat Springs at the IMBA World Summit sitting around and listening to countless hours of how to go about procuring more miles of that ever needed new single track (Remember to keep it single!).
One thing that became painfully obvious as soon as entered Steamboat Springs was how easily it is to identify members of the Alliance. This is possible even if they don’t know the Alliance exists. And underlines how unoriginal we all really are. I’ve become quite adept at spotting these people amidst a large crowd of cycling aficionados, mostly because I’ve had to as I’ve been sent to training or ended up at Interbike or whatever, there is a need when one is alone to find their tribe.
In an effort to make this all easier for the rest of you, I’ve created this easy to use guide on How to Spot a Mooseknuckler. Note: There is an R on the end of that word. If you need help identifying a mooseknuckle, there are bigger things to worry about.
There will be facial hair.
Obviously this only applies to the males, but if you enter a room full of cyclists you can immediately eliminate anyone who does not have facial hair. Next identify the type of facial hair. Is it trimmed, neat and what you might describe as sculpted? Then keep moving. You are looking for beards, unkempt and possible pretty long. At the minimum, it will be obvious that the person has not shaved in a few days.
For the ladies, the hair will be short or pulled back into a ponytail. If it’s in a pony, there will be stray hairs poking up all over the place. You can tell there wasn’t much thought in how the pony looked it was more about getting the hair out of the way and looking “acceptable” with the least amount of effort possible. We’re an efficient bunch.
Always be looking for ragged edges
You’ve all seen the photos of the prototype Mooseknuckler Cycling Alliance Cutoff Bike Riding Shirt. These can be a useful bench mark on what you are looking for as far as attire goes. Even when not riding, there will be cutoffs of some sort or the shorts/shirt/hat will be so worn out that there will be ragged edges. Too much money was spent on bike stuff, so the clothing budget is always a little low. Luckily, they might be wearing cutoff shorts but they will also have the legs for it.
Bare feet
The first time I met Casey Anderson it was toward the end of spring in the polar north. It was raining and there were still snow drifts on the roads. He walked in after parking his bike under the porch. His clothes were wet and his hands were red from the rain and temperatures. I noticed almost immediately that he was wearing chacos, no socks. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him wear shoes. KB’s the same way. Her favorite pair of backpacking boots are her chacos. I guess this makes sense, as it makes using clipless pedals easier. You ride, take your shoes off and put on sandals.
Tattoos
This one is a bet more complex. Chances are a potential Alliance member will have tattoos, but they are also not likely to be completely tatted out. Tattoos are expensive and to get them you have to take money from the bike budget and that’s less likely to happen. It’s also a fairly large time commitment to get sleeves or a full back tattoo and that means that you are not riding your bike. If you were to identify one continuous theme, it’s that the Mooseknuckler’s entire look will be determined by how it effects riding their bike.
I hope this helps you in your future outreach efforts.
As you all know, tomorrow is the event of the century. The Townie Time Trial or TTT will be held at 8:30 PM. Of course, this is being held in solidarity with Alliance member Jamon as he attempts to become the Townie World Champion in Gunnison this weekend. We wish him the best of luck.
Seeing that I have been in Steamboat since Wednesday, I’ve had the opportunity to do some high altitude training as documented in the above photo. One thing is for sure, I will be bringing my A game which means I will most likely be able to finish the course and not fall down while doing so. I know this is a high bar that I am setting, but I expect that absolute best from the Alliance and would never do anything to sully its street credo.
For those planning on attending, the course will be entirely on bike paths so you will not have to negotiate traffic while trying to go fast on your big dumb heavy bike that you use to get around on. Aero helmets are not required but are encouraged this goes in line with skin suits and aero bars as long as they are attached to a basket. I do recommend bringing lights as it may get dark before we are done and you will want them for the short pedal to the Celebratory Celebration of Townie Time Trail Story Telling that will take place shortly after we crown the fastest townie rider in SG.
Now I’m going to put on some shoes, a shirt and tie and attempt to fit in with people that don’t look exactly like me.
P. L. and R.
