The Beauty of the Desert Lies in its Cruelty

From today, we should’ve had three more days before we exited the JMT. Instead, today was my second day back at work. To say that our summer of high altitude fun is over, kinda hurts. Not only did H.A.P.E. quickly end our thru-hike, but traveling over Cedar Mountain was a bit interesting. Interesting in that once I hit 7000 feet I had trouble breathing and got dizzy. Not exactly the result I was hoping for.

When the mountains chew you up and spit you out, there is only one option left for a hobo and that’s to head to the desert. Exactly one day before I was supposed to “do” anything, KB and I packed our backpacks and headed toward Escalante. More precisely, we wanted to hike Coyote Gulch. We ventured into this canyon twice a few years back but never actually hiked the entire canyon to the Escalante due to time constraints. I told my mom we would check in on Thursday giving us three days to do whatever the hell we wanted to.

You see, the beauty of the hobolife is that you are forced to improvise and more importantly you can.

As per our SOP, we hit the Escalante Outfitters on our way through town for some delicious pizza and hobo energy drink. This gave us a chance to get some beta on the trail. The Escalante River (it’s really more like a trickle) was pretty much non-existent as we drove into town. This made us a bit concerned about our water supply for the next few days. The Gulch drains into the Escalante, but we’re in a drought. The locals assured us there was water, albeit not as much as usual. Fair enough.

To enter Coyote Gulch you have to drive the Hole in the Rock Road. This has been voted the worst road in all of the world. It may not be the most rugged, but it is the roughest. We had 30+ miles to go to get to Red Well. The washboards were so bad we had to stop twice and reattach our wheels.

The above photo is of our hobo camp at the Red Well Trailhead.

Once we got our bedrolls laid out and were enjoying the sunset and some hobo energy drinks©, something very important happened; my totem animal was revealed to me. Now, I know what you are thinking, totem animal, the Mooseknuckler is still having a hard time getting oxygen to his brain… But listen for a sec. We’re sitting there enjoying our brews when KB starts to get out of the back of the truck. I’m standing on the side in typical hobo pulpit position (this is where you stand resting your hands on the bed of a truck like you were at a pulpit in church, because you know, it’s kinda like a hobo church) and we are conversing loudly. Remember said energy drinks. When I look over and there’s my totem animal standing there looking at me twitching his ears.

Not more than 10 feet away from us is standing a jack rabbit. For those of you unfamiliar with this desert dweller. They look like rabbits (I believe they are actually hares) with huge ears and have to be the flightiest of all animals. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one stand in one place for very long. However, this guy had come to visit. He stood there, close enough that I could see the vanes in his ears and looked at us. KB stopped in her tracks. Both of us looked at each other and then kept talking. KB got out of the truck and my totem animal took off, but instead of running and hiding like he should have. He did a quick little loop and returned to his same spot to watch us. Through out the evening, as the waning light allowed, we could see him never too far off just watching us and listening.

Yes, my totem animal is a jack rabbit.

As time in the modern sense ceases to exist once you no longer have cell service, KB and I finished up our drinks and went to bed with the sun. The stars were magnificent and we slept until their display was disturbed by the returning light of morning. It was going to be a hot day, so we got up and got our shit moving as early as possible.

Our biggest concern, water, was found after about 1.5 miles of hiking meaning that we could pretty much camp and/or stop any time between where we were and Lake Powel. We had plenty of food, our packs were light and now we had water.

Seeing that our goal was the confluence, we moved. We averaged 3+ miles an hour hitting mile 10 after a mere 180 minutes of walking. And then we kept moving. Once we hit a spot that we knew we could make it to the river and back before nightfall, we stopped for lunch. It was close to the place we had camped the previous trip in. I knew there was a small waterfall coming up and that there was a good site just below. We continued to there and set up hobocamp #2.

Here we dropped our packs and headed to the Cofluence which was another two miles, one way.

We were stoked to make it to the Escalante, but also that there was way more water compared to what was in town. Enough so, that there were a few swimming holes that we used to relieve the heat of the afternoon and the fact that the last half mile had required us to climb out of the Gulch and over a rock jam over sand that was hot enough to burn our feet. To lay down in cool water felt like nirvana.

The above arch is just around the confluence. We hiked over to see it and take some pictures to post to social media so we could prove that we had in fact made it. After an hour or so of relaxing, we turned around and headed back up the stream. We set up camp and relaxed in the shade as the sun slowly retreated from the canyon.

Seeing that we had already accomplished our objective, we now had a full day to just be in the Gulch. We slowly ate breakfast, pumped some water and cleaned up camp. And then slowly began to make our way back toward the truck. Our plan was to make it just about to where the water ended and stay one more night. Seeing that we had always moved quickly, we wanted to see the things that we had blasted past the day before. We spent the day lazily checking out water holes and relaxing in the giant alcoves that provided us with shelter from the heat.

We made it to one of the last alcoves around 4. At this point we had two options, camp and spend the rest of the afternoon being bored or we could bust ass through the heat and make it back to the truck. Making it back to the truck meant that we could drive back into town and buy some cold, wet beers.

We ate lunch and weighed our options.

I had been the one adamant about hiking out in the morning. However, the allure of hobo energy drinks© began to have a heavy draw on my mind. I was also not too interested in hanging out in the alcove for another five hours before going to bed. There really wasn’t anything else to check out in that portion of the canyon.

So we pumped three liters of water each, put our packs on and began walking quickly.

And then a small child came running out of the reeds. He was about four fee tall and his backpack was about three. He couldn’t have weighed more than 70 pounds. And he was dressed in full length jeans and a hoody, zipped up.

We had not seen another human being in about five hours and suddenly there was a little guy with a huge backpack on thinking we were someone else. We asked him a few questions and he wandered off saying that they were in head of him. KB and I walked a bit farther and realized he was pretty much alone. Seeing that we’ve had to rescue a girlfriend from this same canyon before, we turned around and made him go with us until we found his scout troop which consisted of the stereotypical scouts. Little kids carrying packs that are bigger than they are and weigh way too much. We handed him off and made our journey.

The Gulch is pretty flat except for the exit back up to the trailhead at Red Well. After trekking through the above sandy wash in 100+ degree weather, we had to climb 700 feet out. The sun was hot reminding me that the beauty of the desert is found in its cruelty.

And just like that we hopped back into the truck and had ice cold beers and pizza within the hour. The never ending juxtaposition of modern life.

P. L. and R.